The past two weeks I have lived alone. My roommates are kindergarten teachers and right now the public school teachers are on strike, indefinitely. They have taken advantage of this time, and have been traveling. It's not so bad being alone, I am able to keep myself busy by shopping for food, learning to cook, cleaning, doing laundry, reading, spending time with the women I work with, traveling on weekends... But the worst part has been the absence of people to communicate with about real things, I have no companions who understand my perspective. This has been a huge challenge, I have had much time to think and absorb what I am witnessing and experiencing, but no one to talk to about it... And so the next few paragraphs are the result of me alone with my thoughts.
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For a long time I have been unsure with what location to identify myself with. I have always been a visitor to my home. I have always been just passing through, knowing that I came from one place, and in time I will move on to another. I was born in a place I do not remember, and a place my parents are not from -- we then spent the next twelve years moving from place to place. Finally, to stop, but yet I was burdened by the desire to continue moving. Now, in the past four years, I have lived in three places. But even this I will be leaving. Will I ever have a location that is my own? There is a tension in my heart, a tension to plant roots, but to also see and experience what the world has to offer. What is my calling?
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I have just finished reading East of Eden, by John Steinbeck; it is an incredible story and I will definitely read it again. The most compelling theme was the power of choice: "Thou mayest rule over sin... The Hebrew word, the word timshel -- 'Thou mayest' -- that gives a choice. It might be the most important word in the world. That says the way is open. That throws it right back on man. For if 'Thou mayest' -- it is also true that 'Thou mayest not'... For in his weakness... he still has the great choice. He can chose his course and fight and win."
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Nearly every day I think about how my life, once I return home, will be changed by being here. I wonder, as an American and a Christian, as someone with opportunity -- opportunity to be educated, to make money, to travel -- what is my responsibility? How do I effectively contribute to the world and give back to my God who has given me so much? I also think about sacrifice, and how the previous sacrifices of my life have really cost me nothing; I have always been comfortable and satisfied, a luxury most of the world is never able to truly know. How much do you give up, of your money, your time, and your life? All of it? But what does that mean?
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The sermon in church on Sunday was about greatness as a result of service rather than strength; I agreed with everything until comments were made about the US. The pastor said the US starts wars so we can be in control and we destroy other nations to be the greatest nation. Whether you agree with what is going on in the world right now and the involvement of the US, I think this generalization misuderstands the basic intentions of my country. I don't believe we are in war because we are seeking to be the greatest. I think, rather, we are in war because we are taking responsibility for being greatest. We are the greatest nation in the world, because we have strength and wealth, and we provide opportunity for the world improve through our service. We sacrifice our men and women, daily, not to be great, but because we are great and because of that we have to be involved. Further, we are responsible to the world, but primarily we are responsible to ourselves, there is brokenness and sin and we must protect our nation. The pastor finally concluded the service and said, "What contribution are you making to your community and family...? Jesus wanted everyone to be great, but we must be great in service, humility, and love."
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And so I am left with these thoughts, I am left with questions and no answers. As Steinbeck said it best, I am left with a great choice, the choice to chose my course, fight, and win. I am left with the choice to be great through service, humility, and love. And maybe, when I ultimately make this choice, I will discover my responsibility and calling.
If you have any thoughts on what I've written, please email me at Nora.Jorgensen@gordon.edu.
